‘Why would people listen to me anyway?
“What right do I have to give someone feedback?”
“I'm afraid that she will become defensive."
These are concerns that our clients have surfaced whenever the topic of feedback is broached. Despite the feedback guides and articles available out there, most managers shy away from these conversations, especially when the conversation could potentially turn into a "difficult” one.
As a leader, one of the biggest parts of our job is managing people. This entails giving feedback - and in particular, giving it constructively.
Instead of beginning with “How should I make him/her listen to my feedback?” our starting point could perhaps be “How will my feedback be really useful to him/her?”
Know the difference between feedback and criticism. Once upon a time, I thought that feedback and criticism existed on the same spectrum, but they’re really not comparable! Criticism is defined as the "expression of disapproval of perceived mistakes, usually unfavorably.” Feedback however, is "information about something or someone, used for the basis of improvement.”
Just by definition alone, it’s apparent that these serve opposite purposes, and therefore should be consciously used when we manage someone’s performance - since the outcomes will be totally different.
Application: When we elicit negative reactions from our staff, could it be possible that they’re reacting to perceived criticism and not actual feedback? Pointing out that you’re not there to critique but help, could change their perceptions of feedback.
From a giver’s viewpoint, what’s your personal belief about feedback? Could you have unintentionally critiqued your staff even though you had well-meaning intentions to give constructive feedback?
Be a trustworthy manager. Think about the times you’ve received feedback from someone you greatly admire in your organisation. What was your response? How did you feel?
Now recall instances you’ve received feedback from someone whose character you distrust. What was your response? How did you feel?
Since feedback is important information about ourselves, we would value that observation more if it came from respectable and trustworthy characters. The same criteria would apply for your staff when you give your feedback; are you someone they respect, admire and trust?
People are also more receptive when they can trust your expertise. I’m not saying that feedback can only be given by functional managers, because expertise exists on many levels in the organisation. If you have no knowledge about a particular function or task, on a bigger picture, you could then provide feedback on how this person’s work positively or negatively affects the organisation’s strategy or business objectives.
Application: Character is revealed in the way we handle daily situations. If you want others to trust you and your comments, be trustworthy in the small things and not only in the big things, and in personal interactions as well as work matters. In what ways have your daily walk and talk displayed trustworthiness?
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. I find that the feedback session is much more effective when I’ve given careful thought to the structure and the words I want to use so that it doesn’t seem like I’ve carelessly strung together a bunch of observations in my spare time.
I rely on a combination of principles and frameworks. There’s the reliable, tried and tested sandwich (or burger) method, which is easy to remember.
In the same way that small talk paves the way for someone to trust you with bigger and more serious discussions, the sandwich method paves the way for others to receive feedback with a healthy frame of mind that has already been encouraged with positive feedback. If you’re not convinced, you could do a test. Try giving feedback to someone with and without the sandwich method. Assuming all other factors are constant, are there differences in the outcomes?
There are definitely times that I’ve chosen not to give feedback, which has sent a message to my team that I either don’t care or don't have time for them. Both of these messages aren’t positive or encouraging, so the next time you’re tempted to delay feedback-giving, consider what message you might be sending to others!
Here, we’ve listed some general tips on how to give feedback. However, understanding your audience is key to giving feedback. This will affect how you give feedback and the type of feedback you should give for an optimal result. Find out more using our attached guide: